This week on the URCovered Podcast we are talking all things conflict. Join us as we dive into Matthew 18 and how this can be a principle we use when communicating with co-workers, family, and other believers. We are also going to be talking about spiritual gaslighting. What is it and what to do when you are a victim of spiritual gaslighting? Finally, I found these cute mom and me outfits for mothers Day gift ideas that you will love. All on the podcast!
Drop your email on this form for a pdf on spiritual gaslighting and spiritual bypassing. https://view.flodesk.com/pages/642efdaa281e0b6d59a85e86
This week on the URCovered Podcast we are talking all things conflict. Join us as we dive into Matthew 18 and how this can be a principle we use when communicating with co-workers, family, and other believers. We are also going to be talking about spiritual gaslighting. What is it and what to do when you are a victim of spiritual gaslighting. Finally, I found these cute mom and me outfits for mothers day gift ideas that you will love. All on the podcast!
Theology – The Biblical Way of Dealing with Conflict.
- Always go to the person you are having conflict with. Talk to that person face to face.
- If the issue still can’t be resolved then get another person involved.
- If that still doesn’t work bring in someone with authority (like a boss, manager, pastor).
- Matthew 18:15-17, 15“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.
- Something to keep in mind: When this was written it is for those who are a part of a church body — meaning believers.
- BUT this can be helpful in any situation. Talking directly to the person is the best way to deal with conflict. Many times you could be misinterpreting the other person’s actions or you have a different way of communicating.
- This principle applies to parents of adult children.
- This also applies to boss and coworkers.
- I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve had to approach someone who has been talking about me or I can feel that something is off and that person doesn’t want to talk to me about something that they are upset about and it turns out that I am ready to apologize and talk it out. We are all learning and how can restoration in a relationship happen if you don’t go directly to the person? It can’t so do your part and talk directly to that person who has wronged you.
Therapy – What is Spiritual Gaslighting?
Spiritual gaslighting is different from spiritual bypassing. Many times gaslighting happens to you from someone else. This can be a friend, parent, family, pastor… you name it. First, let’s define gaslighting.
Why Do People Gaslight?
Gaslighting is often used as a method of control over another person. When someone begins to doubt their own memory or sanity, they may come to depend on the gaslighter to make sense of things. In this way, the gaslighter is elevated to a position of power or authority.
Additionally, gaslighting invalidates the victim’s point of view. The victim is made out to be wrong or not to be trusted, so that the gaslighter always has the upper hand in the relationship. The gaslighter becomes the only one in the relationship who can be trusted.
What is Spiritual Gaslighting?
The difference between spiritual gaslighting and gaslighting is just that — the spiritual component. It is when someone brings in spirituality to control, manipulate, invalidate, make the victim feel crazy. If you want a biblical example of gaslighting look at the Pharisees. They did this all over the New Testament.
Going through spiritual gaslighting can be extremely damaging to one’s faith and trust in others. You may think this is only used by cult leaders or sociopaths, however, I would claim that this has become much more common in churches today. As soon as we created pastors into celebrities we set churches up to attract narcissistic leaders who are masters at this.
Some common ways a spiritual gaslighter will cause fear or manipulation include:
- Making you feel less spiritual because of an illness, having less money, or because of hard things in your life. This is just not Biblical. The Bible says that there will be trials in this life, but not to fear. The Bible doesn’t say pray more or give more money and all of your issues will go away.
- Invalidating your grief, depression, or anxiety. You can have Jesus and a therapist. We are spiritual beings in a physical body and mental health issues are very physical. Going through hardships or trauma doesn’t mean we aren’t spiritual enough it means we too need some healing.
- Invalidate your feelings and emotions when you try to communicate with them about how they treat you or communicate to you.
- Making you doubt yourself to the point of having to rely on them for all of the answers. I believe that God gave us a brain for a reason. The best leaders and the best teachers teach others how to think for themselves. If you are being trained to rely on one teacher or one pastor there’s something wrong there.
- May posture themselves as someone who hears more from God than you. This is especially dangerous. And many spiritual leaders will use this tactic to either strike fear or awe in their followers.
- Will use little lies to control. Master gaslighters thrive on lies. Exposing them with the truth is a great way to call them out on their bluff. This may result in retaliation. So be sure to find a trusted friend or talk to a therapist as you start putting up boundaries.
What to do When Spiritually Gaslit:
- Denial is a common symptom when being gaslighted. It is even more so when you are being gaslighted by a trusted spiritual leader or a pastor. Be patient with yourself and slowly accept that what happened to you was spiritual abuse and was spiritual gaslighting.
- Forgive yourself. Depending on the situation, you may feel ashamed, confused, blind-sighted or sheepish after you figure out you were being manipulated. Forgive yourself because gaslighters are masters at manipulation and making you feel crazy.
- Find a therapist. There is nothing like being gaslit by a pastor to shake up your foundation, your core, your faith. Find a counselor who you can talk to about these things. This is especially needed if you worked on staff at a church, in a Christian organization, or served on an elders board.
- Put up boundaries with you and that person. This may mean stepping down from leadership. This could mean finding another job. This could mean finding another church. Whatever that looks like, please do it for your emotional health.
- Become an ally for others who are in that same situation. Odds are you are not the only one who is feeling crazy. Others are going to see this person for what they are soon enough. Be the person who will also say “I believe you”. Too many people don’t speak up or against spiritual leaders who are spiritual abusers. With the right support you could help prevent others from getting spiritually abused.
Fashion –
This week’s fashion articles
Mother’s Day Mom and Me Fashion
French Lime
This sustainable athleisure brand was founded by Denise Saad; and with a background in digital art, her designs are inspired by women and global destinations. “French Lime is for curious and unapologetic women who believe in the power of confidence. Each set is inspired different major cities around the world, including Berlin, Copenhagen, and Tokyo” Saad explains.
Noralee
For romantic and chic silhouettes, turn to this brand which offers imagination and whimsy. Designed by Kelli Murray Larson and her team, Noralee has a dress for every occasion worth celebrating, from 3 months to 12 years.
LAKE
Founded in Savannah, Georgia, in 2014 — LAKE draws its roots from enjoyment of summers on the East Coast. As the brand explains, “it started with a simple silhouette, a classic stripe, and the softest fabric imaginable: 100% Peruvian Pima Cotton.” Today, the LAKE offers pyjamas, lounge, and casual attire for the entire family.
Gap
For classic styles with modern twists to keep things fresh, look to Gap – the stalwart American retailer – for inspiration. A little known secret for those seeking matching moments can be found via the brand’s online Matching Shop which includes trending seasonal looks and colorways for the whole family. “Our desire is to bring families together through fashion and key occasions throughout the Spring, making it easy for them to match in a variety of settings, from holiday brunch to the family photoshoot,” the brand adds.
Kyte Baby
Ying Liu – founder of Kyte Baby was dedicated to helping her baby daughter Kei, who suffered from chronic eczema and couldn’t sleep well at night. Liu explains her unexpected epiphany for her company – and how Kyte Baby was born – while coming to the aid of her little one: “At night, my baby pulled open her pyjamas to cool down and alleviate her hot, stinging skin. I followed her lead and started researching breathable fabrics—and that research led me to bamboo.”
Jill Yoga
This Canadian lifestyle athleisure brand celebrates women and girls of all ages. The brand started in 2011 and has continued to expand on their roster of vivid active wear that allows mothers and daughters to celebrate their personalities in addition to encouraging movement and a healthy lifestyle. The brand adds, “we are proudly female-led and run, from design and creative to sales and marketing. In fact, our Lead Designer Jenna Fuchs wore the line through her two pregnancies and now with her two little girls.” The team is comprised of a diverse group of all ages, sizes, and ethnicities – striving to empower women and girls to be their best selves.
Seraphine
Seraphine is a royalty-approved brand (Kate Middleton is a fan) based out of London and specializes in maternity & nursing attire. The site aims to be your one-stop-shop and as the company explains, “we cover all aspects of a woman’s wardrobe, collections range from essentials, lingerie and nightwear through to workwear, activewear and denim, complemented by the Luxe Collection for those special occasions.
Merry People
Merry People started in 2014 by Dani Pearce in Melbourne, Australia – initially as a desire to find shoes that kept her dry on her rainy and/or muddy journey from home to work, while still being stylish enough to wear in an office setting.
Tiny Knot Co.
Headbands for baby are adorable – but matching headbands with mama takes the cute-factor to the next level. Look to Tiny Knot Co. to help you accessorize with ease; and even better, this brand ensures long-wearing comfort.
Dearfoams
If you’re gifting shoes or slippers this Mother’s Day, your go-to should be Dearfoams: they are the largest female-founded and inclusive footwear manufacturer in America. This brand prides itself on creating high-quality fashion and always putting their best foot forward (yes, pun intended).
KittyNTug
KittyNTug is an online retailer that sells fashionable clothing, accessories, and toys. In their newly debuted mom and mini collection, the brand offers stylish and trendy sweaters that have heartfelt quotes. For instance, with their ‘God is Good Sweater’ , owner and mother of three Jessica Osorio explains that “no matter how difficult life gets – God is with us, and through the power of prayer we can get by one day at a time. Whoever your higher power is – may you and your little one rock these sweatshirts proudly”. Other stylish options include these matching ‘Pray More, Worry Less Sweaters’ which offer a positive mantra to live by; and lastly, these Kyank t-shirts which are a tribute to Osorio’s Armenian culture and community (Kyank is a loving term which loosely translates to ‘mommy’s life’).
Podcast Notes
This is a time to hang out, talk about fashion, your mental health, and Jesus. Your host is Hannah Lynn Miller. She will encourage you to turn your narrative into knowing who you are, and understanding where your value comes from and what you believe. We will be exploring the connections between fashion, theology, and therapy. So basically we will cover all the things — most importantly that your identity is covered in what Jesus did on the cross for you.
So don’t miss out on anything.
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Disclaimer: The links on this page may be affiliate links which means when you click on the link and purchase a small percentage of the proceeds go to the UR Covered podcast. So you are supporting the podcast along with finding a great product that I know you’ll love.
Hannah is not a licensed therapist so the advice on this podcast is not from a professional. Hannah is a student of Clinical Mental Health Counseling and is being supervised this year in an internship, but has not received her masters.
UR Covered Podcast is a production of Abundantly More Media
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