I titled this episode “for when you’re angry”, not “if you’re angry”, because we are all going to be angry at some point. Ok. Ok. And If you get anything during this episode I just want you to know that it’s ok to be angry.
There are a few things we are going to cover today. One, it’s that you are allowed to be angry. Secondly, what to do if anger is the only emotion you feel, and thirdly, let’s not stay angry.
Theology of Anger
First, let’s look at anger in the Bible.
We’ve heard a lot of classic things on anger. We may have heard that anger is a sin altogether. It’s not “Christian” to be angry. This is especially dangerous for people of color or for those fighting against injustice on this side of glory. It’s just not Biblical.
Ephesians (4:20) says, “Be angry, but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.”
This verse separates anger from sin. You can actually be angry and not sin. It’s the action during or out of anger that is sin. Emotions are a very human thing and it is how God designed us.
The second part of that verse, “do not let the sun go down on your anger” implies that you shouldn’t go to bed angry. It is classic marriage advice that doesn’t actually work. It may work if you and your spouse were angry at the beginning of the day and had the whole day to work it out. However, late-at-night spats are never good for anyone. Instead, the principle of this verse means that we should communicate anger and resolve the anger in a timely manner. I think it’s also very helpful to remember that anger can be both audible and silent. The silent treatment can be just as bad as destroying someone with their words.
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. And Psalm 4:4 says, Be angry and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.
And then we have the time in the Bible when Jesus was angry. It usually comes from like the angry person you have in your life reminding you of this. The story of Jesus going into the temple and flipping over tables can almost leave you feeling uneasy. I feel like the angriest pastors I’ve met told this story way too often.
But here’s the thing Jesus wasn’t going around making people afraid of him. He was someone that people felt comfortable around. And you know what those pastors that told that story — Jesus would have flipped tables in their churches. Because Jesus was angry that the temple was selling and making a profit off of being dishonest and taking advantage of people. That’s called spiritual and religious abuse. Jesus was angry about that. Spiritual abuse. And also a system that oppressed the vulnerable.
A note about God’s anger. I was reminded when studying this that God’s anger isn’t the same as human anger. Although the Bible depicts God as having passionate anger, we have to remember that our God is beyond time and beyond change. He doesn’t have anger that flares up as we do. Our emotions, passion, anger… It’s all linked with time. And that’s not how God works.
James 1:17
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change”
Anyways, the Bible does have a lot to say about anger. The Bible doesn’t excuse abuse, anger that makes everyone on edge, anger that destroys relationships… no, what it does is separate an emotion (that’s very human) from the action.
I will never forget learning that I could say I was angry without expressing the emotion. Now, I have had a pattern of people in my life who just love to push my buttons until I am angry. And saying I am angry doesn’t really work with them. But saying it to myself really helps. Yes, you can say you’re angry without expressing anger.
The Bible also doesn’t say that the emotion of anger is a sin. It’s an expressed emotion. So if you think it’s evil or wrong or unloving to be angry with someone you are incorrect. That’s not what the Bible says.
Anger and Forgiveness from Psychology Today.
Anger in the Bible from the Biblical Counseling Center.
Fashion History to get angry about.
First off, let’s normalize women being able to get angry. Just like men aren’t allowed to show that they are sad, a normal human emotion, our culture doesn’t allow women to get angry. Which is a very typical thing for a people group who have been oppressed. I feel like we are not allowed to express our anger and I just think we need to stop that because there are things we should be able to get angry about. Like this story.
Women couldn’t buy their own perfume… Estée Lauder created youth dew. Estée Lauder is a Jewish woman from New York who learned fragrance from her family. At that time women couldn’t buy perfume for themselves so she decided to change that.
The caption under the product:
THE INSPIRATION
Absolutely captivating, with opulent flowers, rich spices, and precious woods.
It has been called one of the sexiest fragrances ever created, and more than 50 years after it was launched it continues to entice with its sensual, yet timeless appeal.
“Women still like to feel beautiful, pampered and loved, And that is what Youth-Dew is all about.“
Estée Lauder wondered why women relied on the men in their lives to buy them perfume. And why they reserved fragrance only for special occasions. To change women’s minds—and forever change the world of fragrance—Mrs. Lauder created Youth-Dew Bath Oil in 1953.
Captivating, rich and exceptionally lasting, women bought it for the bath, but, as Mrs. Lauder predicted, soon began wearing Youth-Dew as their fragrance as well. Because it was sold as a bath oil, not perfume, women felt free to enjoy and wear it every day. Instead of using Youth-Dew by the drop, women used it by the bottle. Men loved it too, saying it was “simply the sexiest fragrance ever.”
What we can learn from this story:
One, it’s not ok to take someone’s freedom away. Two, if you are mad about something, use your resources and change it. Secondly, it’s ok to talk about the topics that make you mad and communicate them. That’s what I am doing now.
The actual product description + the story: https://www.esteelauder.com/product/13093/2063/Product-Catalog/fragrance/fragrance-collections/Youth-Dew/Youth-Dew/Eau-de-Parfum-Spray
Articles for further study.
Elcompanies – the Lauder Family
Anger and Therapy
Anger is a secondary emotion. That’s why anger can be so confusing. When you are angry, a great place to start is to step away from the situation and ask yourself some questions.
What am I actually feeling?
Am I sad?
Does sadness make me feel weak?
Do I equate sadness with weakness?
Am I afraid? Do I feel helpless?
What am I afraid of?
Do I have unmet expectations?
Have I neglected to communicate my needs?
Have I neglected to communicate my expectations?
You can download this anger chart to remember what your anger is really telling you about your emotions.
The UR Covered podcast is here for you. This is a time to hang out, talk about fashion, your mental health, and Jesus. Your host is Hannah Lynn Miller. She will encourage you to turn your narrative into knowing who you are, and understanding where your value comes from and what you believe. We will be exploring the connections between fashion, theology, and therapy. So basically we will cover all the things — most importantly that your identity is covered in what Jesus did on the cross for you.So don’t miss out on anything.
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