Do you people please? Are you too concerned with what others think of you? Then this episode is for you. I am going to share the ONE THING that helps me care less about what others think (my relationship with Jesus), how fashion can be a tool for social anxiety, and 8 mental health tips for caring less about what others think. If you have questions about the Gospel and how to have a healthy relationship with Jesus text 7086696466.
If Caring What Others Think Gets in the Way of You Being You.
Do you care about what others think of you? Are you a people pleaser? Do you make decisions based solely on what others will think? Then this podcast episode is for you. Caring about what others think has so many layers to it. On one hand we don’t want to live a life that only cares about ourselves, but we also don’t want to live in the fear of the consequences of others not liking, disagreeing, or judging us.
This fear can come from so many life experiences where we actually were affected by how someone thought of us. Maybe it was a parent or authority figure who used their power to control our decisions. Or it could have been a group of friends who would leave you out if you disagreed with the one person calling all the shots. What I just described are two very common situations that we absorbed growing up. And we can talk more about where that comes from in the mental health portion of this episode.
How to Care Less About What Others Think Through a Grounding Relationship with God
Today I want to start with you sitting with a devotional all about how you can have a whole and healthy relationship with your Creator. It was interesting because I was thinking about this a few weeks ago when someone made a status about, “how do you know your relationship with Jesus is going well”. Or something to that effect.
It made me smile a little and think about how much I have grown and how much Jesus has taught me about our relationship. My relationship with Jesus is the only relationship where I can just be. There’s no agenda, there’s no striving, there’s no disappointment, or surprises. Being with my God is the healthiest relationship I have and will ever have. Because of that fact, I feel known and grounded. So today I just want to share with you that you can have that kind of relationship with your creator.
See, we struggle with many things in our interpersonal relationships. One of those things can be perfectionism, competition, jealousy… Many of those things come from a self problem. We just naturally want to please ourselves. The Bible calls this sin or missing the mark of perfect love. See when God created us, we had this perfect relationship with Him in the garden and then because Adam and Eve chose to be “like God” and eat the apple, sin entered the world (Genesis 3:5).
In between our relationship with God were lies, jealousy, and wanting to be like God. In the Old Testament, followers of God had to make sacrifices and were able to have fillings of the Holy Spirit and had experiences of being with God, but this was all through something called the Law. This is what we know of as the ten commandments, but it was a lot more than ten. It is impossible to follow these rules and have a relationship with a holy God. That’s why the story doesn’t end with religion.
God desired to have a relationship with all of his creation. See, because God loved the entire world he sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. He’s the penal sacrifice, which means he took our place for our sins. So that we may have a right relationship with God again.
But in fact the ministry Jesus has received is as superior to theirs as the covenant of which he is mediator is superior to the old one, since the new covenant is established on better promises. For if there had been nothing wrong with that first covenant, no place would have been sought for another… By calling this covenant “new”, he has made the first one obsolete; and what is obsolete and outdated will soon disappear.
Hebrews 8:6-7, 13
So if we believe that we are not God and we can never save ourselves, we can’t be a good person on our own, and that Jesus actually paid the price by dying and raising again, conquering death, we get to have this beautiful relationship with God. It’s all about love and our relationship with God.
I’m not going to deny that believing this takes faith. If we read in Hebrews 11 we see a long list of people who through faith – desired a relationship with God and we look at their stories and we think wow they were crazy but honestly they didn’t care what others thought because they truly were seeking God with their whole hearts.
Hebrews 11:1-12 (NIV) – A list of God-lovers who didn’t care what others thought.
11 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for.
3 By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.
4 By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did. By faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead.
5 By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death: “He could not be found, because God had taken him away.” For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God.
6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
7 By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that is in keeping with faith.
8 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.
9 By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise.
10 For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.
11 And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise.
12 And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.
Have a Grounding Relationship with Jesus
As I write this episode I have just noticed that yes, that is how I have lived my life. I am living in a way of just desiring to be with my God. I am living by faith and that’s really where it’s started for me to care less of what others thought. Following God and having a right relationship with him grounds you and gives you something to stand on when you have to stand up for what is right or when you decide not to follow the crowd or when you decide to do what God has called you to do.
You can have the same thing. All you have to do is believe that Jesus is the son of God, that you’ve sinned and that Jesus paid the price for your sins, died and rose again, conquering death… I can only speak from my own experience — it is the best decision you can make. If you have questions about the Gospel and how to have a healthy relationship with Jesus text 7086696466.
How to Care Less About What Others Think Using Fashion
This is kinda funny, but it’s not so bare with me. This past week we went through something called exposure therapy. It’s really not that fun for the therapist or the client, but it works….
So I had to insult someone in the room’s outfit. I had so much anxiety. I don’t like teasing and I don’t like criticizing someone’s outfit. At all. So it’s something I still have to work on. I lived through it. That person still likes me. Phew!
And the person I insulted lived through the criticism of their outfit.
I think fashion has such a unique way of letting us express ourselves and get past what others think about how we dressed. As someone who grew up in an ultra-conservative culture, I can say without a doubt that caring less about what others thought about my appearance was where a lot of the healing started. You just have to start dressing the way you’d like to dress. Just start and feel the anxiety.
Put on something outlandish. Try a bright color or something furry. I don’t know. Something that will bring about comments. See what happens. What was the worst thing that happened? Do you live through it?
That’s usually what happens with exposure therapy — you realize you live through the embarrassment or the comments. It actually doesn’t matter what you wear. If someone has a problem with it it’s just not your responsibility. I think fashion can really help you push that line of trying to not care so much about what others think about what you look like, your decisions, and your fashion choices.
How to Care Less About What Others Think Through Creating a New Mindset
If you recognize that you are someone who’s anxious about being liked, there are steps you can take to get back to a healthier relationship with others and with yourself. This is a list from a Psychology Today Article that I hope you will find helpful.
1. Keep things in perspective.
It’s said that people would care a lot less about what others think about them if they knew how little others think about them. And it’s true: Everyone has enough to occupy their mind. They also have their own insecurities. If you’re worried about how you come across to someone you’ve just met, keep in mind that they’re probably doing the same.
2. Question your thinking.
Humans tend toward cognitive distortions, patterns of negative thinking that can hurt our mood or behavior. For example, we may assume the worst, or filter out the good in a situation and pay attention only to the bad. Or we may overgeneralize or jump to conclusions. Pay attention to your thoughts, and question them rather than allowing impressions to run away with you. You may discover that what you’re fretting over exists only in your mind.
3. Let go of perfection.
It can be hard to shake the feeling that if you just get things right, you will be loved and admired. But this is a fruitless pursuit, not only because perfection is an illusion, but because what people think about you has more to do with them than with you.
4. Get to know yourself.
What do you really like? What do you really want? Are you making choices about your career, relationships, and pastimes because you want them or because they’ll please or impress someone else? Allow yourself to try new things and wonder, “What would I pursue or enjoy if I wasn’t so worried about being judged?”
5. Find your tribe.
Somewhere out there are people who can identify with you and appreciate you for who you are. Don’t waste time trying to hang on to those who expect you to conform to their wishes and wants. Cultivate authenticity, and you’ll find those you are meant to be with. As Brown writes in Daring Greatly, “Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
6. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
It can be terrifying to go against the grain, speak out, take a risk, or face disapproval. But decide what matters to you, trust yourself, and go for it. We don’t grow by always playing it safe; we grow by allowing ourselves a chance to fail.
7. Accept a helping hand.
The anxiety you feel about what others think can sometimes be overcome with a little self-awareness. But in some cases, especially for those with underlying trauma or mental health issues, professional help can help you get to the root of your feelings. Allow yourself to reach out for the care you need rather than prolonging your suffering.
8. Be your own friend.
It’s a tough reality, but you will never be able to make everyone like you, no matter what you do. Take time to enjoy spending time alone with yourself.
Show Notes
ANNOUNCEMENT! Before reading any further, can you make sure you are subscribed on iTunes, youtube, and on Spotify. Also, leave a review and let me know what you think! This way we can start building a community around theology, therapy and fashion <3. I hope you join us! So take the time to like, subscribe and write a review. Thanks ahead of time!
The UR Covered podcast is here for you. This is a time to hang out, talk about fashion, your mental health, and Jesus. Your host is Hannah Lynn Miller. She will encourage you to turn your narrative into knowing who you are, and understanding where your value comes from and what you believe. We will be exploring the connections between fashion, theology, and therapy. So basically we will cover all the things — most importantly that your identity is covered in what Jesus did on the cross for you.
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Hannah is not a licensed therapist so the advice on this podcast is not from a professional. Hannah is a student of Clinical Mental Health Counseling and am being supervised this year in an internship, but have not received my masters.
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