How to Stop Dating For the Next Best Thing

How to Stop Dating For the Next Best Thing

Dating to date the next best person is not something we plan to do. He or she is cute and exciting for the first two months, but then the new relationship starts to feel like a burden. Next thing you know, you are looking for your next boyfriend or girlfriend. The Bible doesn’t have a guide to dating, but there are many principles that can help us use wisdom in our relationships, including dating. 

Before I met my husband, I dated . . . A lot . . .  I wanted to get to know different Christian guys so that when asked on a coffee date, I could say yes. That’s how I met my husband. During the entire dating process, I was looking for advice from older women, I was asking my dad his opinion, and I would always invite my friends to get to know the young man I was dating. Proverbs is a book of the Bible written by king Solomon— the wisest king. God asked Solomon that if he could have anything, what would he want (2 Chronicles 1:7). Solomon asked God for wisdom. From that point on, God gave amazing wisdom to king Solomon of Israel. One proverb Solomon wrote is short, but powerful: “A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool’s eyes wander to the ends of the earth” (Proverbs 17:24). Do your eyes wander when you are dating? Do you often wonder if you can find a boyfriend or girlfriend who is better than the one you have? From experience, it is healthy to ask these questions when dating. I often say this –– dating is not marriage. Marriage is forever; dating is not. However, when you are asking questions like, “could this person be my spouse?” – you need to be asking the right questions in a dating relationship. Instead of asking, “can I do better?” You may want to ask, “Is this who God wants me to build a life with?”. Look back on the first part of Proverbs 17:24 –– “A discerning man keeps wisdom in view.” Looking for wisdom in your dating relationships is the key to stopping the cycle of dating for the next best. Meeting for coffee each month with my pastor’s wife to chat about my current dating relationship was the first step I took towards looking for wisdom. She had done the dating thing and had the wisdom to pass on to me. She and her husband were the couples who did our marriage counseling a year later. If your eyes are wandering and you are wanting the next best thing in your dating relationships, ask God for wisdom. 

Dating can be exciting and new in the beginning, but it is easy to start a string of new relationships instead of really seeking wisdom from God in your dating life. The wise king Solomon said, “only a fool’s eyes wander, but a discerning person will look for wisdom.” Look for wisdom in your dating relationship— not the next best thing. 

Hannah Lynn Miller
Hannah Lynn Miller

Hannah is a radio/podcast host, blogger, and mental health therapist who loves Jesus and fashion. Her work revolves around betrayal trauma and the eldest daughter population.

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